This is flat out wonderful. Anytime I look back these days, what I see now is what I didn't see then. I thought things were one way. They weren't. That's why I like aging, You learn stuff.
Every woman who existed in 1966 and who had ever existed was lying about wanting a life written for them by other people, and we were just on the cusp of the women’s movement and saying this out loud.
I was fifteen then and got married a week after my 19th Birthday. The reasons were not too dissimilar to yours . I really enjoyed reading and reflecting on your wonderful writing 🙏🏻 Plus loved “if you want to help the world….tell better jokes” 😂 trying to save the world is so tiring.
I really liked this. It reminds me of my first "love" at the same age. "Marry me" and "let's see other people." Both made me want to kill myself. Or him. Your writing is so powerful. As we used to say about print media, "I couldn't put it down!"
another banger, laurie! so many great lines jumped out at me but especially this: "There is so much freedom, you can keep making mistakes for the rest of your life." this thought makes me quite happy.
I've been rereading Laurie Colwin, and there's a passage about how the heroine had the life she wanted buy felt all the time how close she had come to not having it. I find this secret life in a life absolutely enthralling.
My parents got married in 1966, my father didn't want to, my mother was desperate to. I learned this many years later, that all her high school friends were married already and she was behind, getting married at 21. They've been divorced since 96. My mother is still getting married, on husband number three. I wish she'd had a little of what you speak of here, a secret sense of self, it would have served my sister and I during the war years , when my dad was sporting a terrible perm, and running around on my mother , and she was planning to leave him every other day. He FINALLY left and she went square dancing to find herself another husband.
Thank you, Laurie—feeling both moved and inspired by this piece. I especially loved the last section, ending with this: "You want to do a favor for humanity? Tell funnier jokes."
Thanks Laurie, this is so meaningful to me. I got married for murky Church reasons, and always had a secret life, knowing it was a lie, but what was I to do? I had no idea. I also Failed to execute on PhD program. After divorce and getting a real job lol I keep asking myself. What was I thinking? Am I a moron? I concluded that I was and that it no longer matters. My parents also let us run wild, and I laughed out loud about the dog running out, and if it returns, you feed them!
Barnard - I went there too. I wanted feminist succor. I got the violent split of upper-middle class Jewish frat-boys who say « nice sweater » with a leer … along with the Kate Millet …
My parents preferred I say a polite « thank you » to the potential husbands- Barnard be damned-
I have lied in my real life but I have not lied here, unless not revealing the whole truth is a lie… but no story is large enough to tolerate the whole truth of itself. Right? A moral loophole 😎
This is flat out wonderful. Anytime I look back these days, what I see now is what I didn't see then. I thought things were one way. They weren't. That's why I like aging, You learn stuff.
In my journal I wrote that your way of writing is like drunken kung fu. It’s a compliment. I then said that I envied it.
Every woman who existed in 1966 and who had ever existed was lying about wanting a life written for them by other people, and we were just on the cusp of the women’s movement and saying this out loud.
I was fifteen then and got married a week after my 19th Birthday. The reasons were not too dissimilar to yours . I really enjoyed reading and reflecting on your wonderful writing 🙏🏻 Plus loved “if you want to help the world….tell better jokes” 😂 trying to save the world is so tiring.
I really liked this. It reminds me of my first "love" at the same age. "Marry me" and "let's see other people." Both made me want to kill myself. Or him. Your writing is so powerful. As we used to say about print media, "I couldn't put it down!"
“Oh my god, am I ever going to stop thinking of this person” a true signifier of every big breakup. A great read Laurie!
Two of the best sentences I’ve ever read:
“You could look back at the marriage as the answer to a question I bet a lot of other people ask themselves: Should I break up with you or marry you?”
Thank you for the exquisite RELIEF your writing provides.
another banger, laurie! so many great lines jumped out at me but especially this: "There is so much freedom, you can keep making mistakes for the rest of your life." this thought makes me quite happy.
This gave me such a sense of liberation. Thank you, Laurie.
When you love truly it's all or nothing. It might make us fools, but we can say we lived.
I've been rereading Laurie Colwin, and there's a passage about how the heroine had the life she wanted buy felt all the time how close she had come to not having it. I find this secret life in a life absolutely enthralling.
My parents got married in 1966, my father didn't want to, my mother was desperate to. I learned this many years later, that all her high school friends were married already and she was behind, getting married at 21. They've been divorced since 96. My mother is still getting married, on husband number three. I wish she'd had a little of what you speak of here, a secret sense of self, it would have served my sister and I during the war years , when my dad was sporting a terrible perm, and running around on my mother , and she was planning to leave him every other day. He FINALLY left and she went square dancing to find herself another husband.
This: ”Like every other human being on the planet, the thing I was best at was having a secret life. “
YES- brilliant!
Thank you, Laurie—feeling both moved and inspired by this piece. I especially loved the last section, ending with this: "You want to do a favor for humanity? Tell funnier jokes."
Looking forward to the Zoom.
Thanks Laurie, this is so meaningful to me. I got married for murky Church reasons, and always had a secret life, knowing it was a lie, but what was I to do? I had no idea. I also Failed to execute on PhD program. After divorce and getting a real job lol I keep asking myself. What was I thinking? Am I a moron? I concluded that I was and that it no longer matters. My parents also let us run wild, and I laughed out loud about the dog running out, and if it returns, you feed them!
Barnard - I went there too. I wanted feminist succor. I got the violent split of upper-middle class Jewish frat-boys who say « nice sweater » with a leer … along with the Kate Millet …
My parents preferred I say a polite « thank you » to the potential husbands- Barnard be damned-
So I married a Catholic and left the country.
Voilà.
I have lied in my real life but I have not lied here, unless not revealing the whole truth is a lie… but no story is large enough to tolerate the whole truth of itself. Right? A moral loophole 😎