I appreciate the way you write about contradiction or possible contradiction without shaving any nuance off the opposing thoughts. It reminds me of something we have observed about friendship, in that we both know people whose values we disagree with and yet we like them, and we know people whose values are like ours and we loathe them.
How do I feel about being aged out? Relieved. Can I get off without being killed for it? I can. Because I've aged out. The punishment that is the worst for many women is having children you love but can't afford to care for the way you want to. Men don't really have that problem for all their whining about support payments. They grouse about the payments, and not about keeping their children fed and well. Am I over-simplifying, fam I leaving out all the "good" fathers? Probably. But I never met one, so there's that.
Good one. I love it that your columns could have run as Voice stories, but you know what? They probably couldn't have run anywhere else. That's what made the Voice such a treasure for writers. All the freedom to be yourself, and write, too.
Yes, I wrote there for 25 years. You know, when Sophie Haigney was editing at The Paris Review Daily, I had the same freedom. I hope Sophie and I will work together again.
absolutely no rhyme or reason for attraction or pleasure. humans are such strange animals and ultimately, unknowable. it keeps the quest to try compelling. how do i feel about aging out?—a little surprised at how seamlessly it happened. it's proof that i've arrived at a certain point all people do, which is sobering but interesting. i'm glad being attractive was never my core identity. i'd imagine it would be a lot harder in that case. (fyi, "a little love for stackie?" is most charming.)
I think you will like the show if you haven’t tried it yet. Let me know if you watch. People are so unknowable. It’s kinda nice not caring. You look gorgeous and will at any age. xxL
I love that you allow yourself to stay with both the pleasure and the discomfort. Art doesn't have to resolve the tension to be worth engaging with. Sometimes the most interesting conversations begin exactly where our enjoyment and our critique collide.
Laurie, I love this piece, the inherent dialectic you acknowledge, which makes everything richer, I love the show (especially Tatiana and Dolly and Armand), I love the depth of your work and of the work you reflect upon so beautifully.
(Oh - I really like Star City. I’m not usually one for Cosmonauts or alternate histories, but this one has Anna Maxwell Martin, and she is my acting hero.)
I haven't seen any of this show but I feel the pleasure from your writing. And I love that you can hold both the reservations and the fact that pleasure is just what it is without either muddying the other.
I think that is a really important and maybe difficult realisation as a part of aging. It is up there with handing over responsibility for the mess we made or failed to fix, and having faith that the next generation can (indeed must) handle it.
I normally do not express disagreement in the comments on my posts. I don't want to encourage arguments and counter arguments. This conversation between you two men feels distorting to what I wrote, and so I am going to make clear to other readers I don't share the sentiments you both express and that you both seem to feel have been prompted by what I wrote in the post. I am not expressing a sense of generational defunctness that feels defeated or finished in what I wrote about time and retrospective observation. Leaving that aside, I don't feel at all that I made a mess as part of my generation. I was and remain part of the women's movement, and the women's movement and feminism have been hugely important and positive social activities and interventions that have encouraged women to claim more freedom and independence in their lives than in the script that was written for them by tradition. Substack asks writers of publications to state their policies about comments. One of the policies of this substack is no links to other writing and no side-bar conversations that are off the topic of the post. This is a post about women written by a woman, looking at some of the distorting representations of women men create. That's the topic.
Thanks for the binge-gift for Maximum Pleasure. I did not like Widow's Bay. That and other recommendations you've made give me confidence my wife and I will enjoy MPG. Getting a recommendation of a show or a movie or a book is an unheralded valuable gift , perhaps even a best gift when it hits.
"Because art doesn’t need to care about anything but seducing you." Surrendering to the story or the experience, despite reservations and compunction: it's so satisfying - great review.
Tatiana Maslany and Dolly de Leon have both created indelible characters, so uniting them an enticing prospect:
'“I’m not a mother, I don’t know the ins and outs of it, so there’s a sense of fraudulence when I’m playing one,” says Maslany. “But that also feels right for Paula. Everyone is like, are you fit to do this? There’s a defensiveness and a clumsiness.”'
I corrected the mistakes! Thank you. I am the worst speller. I love this comment. Only thing is, I need to ask you to delete the link. I have a policy against people posting links in comments on my posts. It encourages a bulletin board approach. You can edit you comment and delete the link without deleting the comment.
I appreciate the way you write about contradiction or possible contradiction without shaving any nuance off the opposing thoughts. It reminds me of something we have observed about friendship, in that we both know people whose values we disagree with and yet we like them, and we know people whose values are like ours and we loathe them.
It's so interesting to observe our attraction to people who in numbers of ways turn us off. It's such a human condition.
How do I feel about being aged out? Relieved. Can I get off without being killed for it? I can. Because I've aged out. The punishment that is the worst for many women is having children you love but can't afford to care for the way you want to. Men don't really have that problem for all their whining about support payments. They grouse about the payments, and not about keeping their children fed and well. Am I over-simplifying, fam I leaving out all the "good" fathers? Probably. But I never met one, so there's that.
For the past 10,000 years, no man has ever said, "Not all women."
Good one. I love it that your columns could have run as Voice stories, but you know what? They probably couldn't have run anywhere else. That's what made the Voice such a treasure for writers. All the freedom to be yourself, and write, too.
Yes, I wrote there for 25 years. You know, when Sophie Haigney was editing at The Paris Review Daily, I had the same freedom. I hope Sophie and I will work together again.
absolutely no rhyme or reason for attraction or pleasure. humans are such strange animals and ultimately, unknowable. it keeps the quest to try compelling. how do i feel about aging out?—a little surprised at how seamlessly it happened. it's proof that i've arrived at a certain point all people do, which is sobering but interesting. i'm glad being attractive was never my core identity. i'd imagine it would be a lot harder in that case. (fyi, "a little love for stackie?" is most charming.)
I think you will like the show if you haven’t tried it yet. Let me know if you watch. People are so unknowable. It’s kinda nice not caring. You look gorgeous and will at any age. xxL
aw pshaw and likewise. i will add MPG to my watching list tho i also hope it doesn’t end with the usual lesson!
The female characters run everything. In this sense it's very today and no other time earlier.
I love that you allow yourself to stay with both the pleasure and the discomfort. Art doesn't have to resolve the tension to be worth engaging with. Sometimes the most interesting conversations begin exactly where our enjoyment and our critique collide.
Completely agree. :)
"to be continued" ..... can't wait! The writing and the ideas in the writing - so good!
Thanks, love. xxL
Love this! Get me some cashews! Must watch! And yikes! Somehow I missed the zoom
Write me for the recording if you like.
Laurie, I love this piece, the inherent dialectic you acknowledge, which makes everything richer, I love the show (especially Tatiana and Dolly and Armand), I love the depth of your work and of the work you reflect upon so beautifully.
(Oh - I really like Star City. I’m not usually one for Cosmonauts or alternate histories, but this one has Anna Maxwell Martin, and she is my acting hero.)
I will look for it. xxL
Oh yes aging out of the possibility of a whole level of glamorous and connected!! And my question is - so now what??
We will discuss! xxL
“Dimly-misogynistic.” Know so many men who fit this terminology!
Me too.
I am also loving this show!
I haven't seen any of this show but I feel the pleasure from your writing. And I love that you can hold both the reservations and the fact that pleasure is just what it is without either muddying the other.
I know you understand that very well. xxL
As I get older, I realize that younger, more accomplished people outnumber me. I'm slowly adjusting, and appreciating some of these energetic people.
I think that is a really important and maybe difficult realisation as a part of aging. It is up there with handing over responsibility for the mess we made or failed to fix, and having faith that the next generation can (indeed must) handle it.
I normally do not express disagreement in the comments on my posts. I don't want to encourage arguments and counter arguments. This conversation between you two men feels distorting to what I wrote, and so I am going to make clear to other readers I don't share the sentiments you both express and that you both seem to feel have been prompted by what I wrote in the post. I am not expressing a sense of generational defunctness that feels defeated or finished in what I wrote about time and retrospective observation. Leaving that aside, I don't feel at all that I made a mess as part of my generation. I was and remain part of the women's movement, and the women's movement and feminism have been hugely important and positive social activities and interventions that have encouraged women to claim more freedom and independence in their lives than in the script that was written for them by tradition. Substack asks writers of publications to state their policies about comments. One of the policies of this substack is no links to other writing and no side-bar conversations that are off the topic of the post. This is a post about women written by a woman, looking at some of the distorting representations of women men create. That's the topic.
Sorry about the link. My awareness and appreciation of the women's movement and feminism continues.
Interesting read, thanks
Thanks for the binge-gift for Maximum Pleasure. I did not like Widow's Bay. That and other recommendations you've made give me confidence my wife and I will enjoy MPG. Getting a recommendation of a show or a movie or a book is an unheralded valuable gift , perhaps even a best gift when it hits.
Agree!
My wife and I have now binged the seven episodes. So thanks again. My favorite supporting characters are the two co-workers.
Love them.
"Because art doesn’t need to care about anything but seducing you." Surrendering to the story or the experience, despite reservations and compunction: it's so satisfying - great review.
Tatiana Maslany and Dolly de Leon have both created indelible characters, so uniting them an enticing prospect:
'“I’m not a mother, I don’t know the ins and outs of it, so there’s a sense of fraudulence when I’m playing one,” says Maslany. “But that also feels right for Paula. Everyone is like, are you fit to do this? There’s a defensiveness and a clumsiness.”'
(Quote from Hollywood Reporter interview)
I corrected the mistakes! Thank you. I am the worst speller. I love this comment. Only thing is, I need to ask you to delete the link. I have a policy against people posting links in comments on my posts. It encourages a bulletin board approach. You can edit you comment and delete the link without deleting the comment.
I love the show too, but I was thinking the same thing: here comes the punishment!
Excellent!